HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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