he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
