Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
