he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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