I'm really into asian looking animals
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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