I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
