I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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