Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
