And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dicks are not precious.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
