Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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