my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
