I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
