Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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