she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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