He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.