I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.