i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?