This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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