Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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