Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
