Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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