Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
