I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
