The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize