If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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