Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
