I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
