Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
