i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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