My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
