Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
