New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
