last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
