I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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