yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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