I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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