so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
