Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
