I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
