his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
