The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
