Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
