We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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