Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
