I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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