:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
