Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish you could order shots online.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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