NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
