i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
