How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
