so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
