i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
