Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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