did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize