Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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