I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
