she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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