Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
