You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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