but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
