I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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