i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
