theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
