I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
