OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
