didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
two words: eviction party
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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