My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
time to smoke my breakfast
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
