Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
