So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.