ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
