I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize