Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
